


Camera Shy

by Thishouseisaflyingcircus



Category: Arctic Monkeys, British Singers RPF, Indie Music RPF, Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-02-22 20:10:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13174320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thishouseisaflyingcircus/pseuds/Thishouseisaflyingcircus
Summary: Alex was a brutally shy college student in desperate need of cash. He'd just lost his job, his rent was way overdue, and his electricity had recently been cut off.He was completely out of options, or was he?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just recently, I was helping my aunt's boyfriend clean out his storage unit when we came across a box full of really old vhs tapes that he still insists belonged to a former roommate.  
> Anyway, apparently there was a television show back in the 90's called Girls Going Wild, where college girls were filmed doing all sorts of porny stuff. Some of the videos were from that show and their covers had naked girls in provocative poses all over them.  
> So, I started wondering why guys weren't also allowed to "go wild" and what would motivate someone to do something like that in the first place, and...well...here you go.

Alex quickly slipped through the side door of the art history auditorium and moved up the stairs before sliding into the exact same row he'd sat in all semester long for ninety minutes a day, three days a week. 

It was just past halfway up in the stadium-styled lecture hall, right at the point where the room faded into darkness, placing it just out of reach of the projector's bright screen and the professor's roaming eyes. His usual chair was in about eight seats, somewhat centering him but still leaving him close enough to the aisle for easy access and to hopefully deter anyone else from sitting too close.

The class was fairly large and the majority of students situated themselves towards the front so they could ask questions and be seen by the numerous TAs, and maybe sitting close even helped them to stay awake in the notoriously boring class. Alex needed none of that and preferred being higher up and away from the others so he could comfortably observe and learn in his own way.

It was early December and the cruel cold held tightly to Alex's bones, reluctant to loosen its stubborn grip despite the warm air being pumped into the hall. 

Alex shivered at the temperature change as he unwrapped his scarf and removed his gloves, and he was just struggling out of his wool coat when movement at the same door he'd just entered caught his eye. 

He quickly freed himself of the last vestiges of his winter gear and sat, eagerly watching the familiar group enter and noisily work their way up towards him, laughing and chatty as usual and casually greeting him while removing their own gear and settling in their rows.

Alex responded with a small smile and short wave of his hand.

 

They were a sizable lot, three girls and three guys, and from what Alex could tell they were good friends and were probably newly acquainted since attending the university.

Each girl was gorgeous in her own unique way and they always made Alex blush when they smiled warmly and greeted him, sometimes even adding a wink for flirty measure. And of course, the guys were good-looking, as well, another fact that also turned Alex's face red. All three were boisterous and athletic in a way that Alex knew he would never be, but could still appreciate and admire from afar.

The group had always been nice to Alex, had always politely smiled and nodded, even on the very first day of the course, as they shuffled around, choosing some seats down several rows in front of him.

Every class after that, they had somehow managed to subtly move closer and closer to Alex in some secretive adult adoption ritual that Alex hadn't realized was happening until it was too late and they were suddenly sitting in the rows directly in front of him.

It didn't bother Alex as much as he thought it would, they still gave him the space they sensed he wanted, but they were closer, in a nice, noninvasive way.

 

The girls always included Alex when they brought treats to class.

It was a gesture that had started early in the term when they had given Alex one of the homemade cupcakes they'd made to celebrate Nick's birthday.

Alex had been awed by the simple gesture and their generosity, and he blushed into an embarrassed smile and stared entirely too long at the beautiful offering in front of him before he finally tore into the sweet perfection, earning him gentle, knowing smiles from the ladies.

And the guys were just as friendly and included Alex in their weekly football discussions whether he contributed to the conversation or not, and they sometimes compared lecture notes with him and always invited him out to dinner and parties, even though they knew from past experience that he'd never accept.

It meant a great deal to Alex that this group of classmates liked him enough to not only include him in their plans, but they were also completely fine letting Alex be who he was and never pressured him for more. Their interaction with Alex was much more than any other he had on campus, where he doubted anyone else even knew his name, where he was probably just referred to as that creepy quiet guy, just like in high school.

Alex found himself thinking about the six of them often as he sat alone in his small flat, imagining they were close friends and wishing he were normal enough to hang out with them.

 

When Alex was very young, his parents had worried that he was possibly deaf, partially mute, or even something more complicated because he didn't holler, scream, and run around like most children his age.

But he'd been tested and was found to be perfectly healthy, much to their relief.

The doctors told them Alex was simply shy, and that he'd eventually grow out of it.

But he hadn't.

Alex simply liked to be off by himself, either playing alone or watching others play, usually staying very close to his mum or dad, his timid fingers clutching at their clothing as he bashfully peered out from behind them. And that was fine with his parents, who never pressed their boy to talk or interact more than he wanted to and encouraged him to be content in his own skin and doing only what he was comfortable doing.

Alex did extremely well in school, earning top marks across the board, his teachers adapting to his unique condition by giving him alternative assignments that didn't include presentations or speeches in front of his peers, where he constantly squirmed with the nagging feeling of being judged, stared at, or made fun of because of his inability to be _normal_.

Because of his shyness, Alex went through school never experiencing a close friendship. His personality was a hard one to coax out and the rare few who were ever even remotely interested in developing a relationship with Alex soon gave up, not liking the quietness he was most comfortable existing in.

Holding simple conversations and building long-lasting friendships was a skill most people learned at an early age.

Not Alex.

Alex just wasn't like other people.

But that didn't mean he didn't want the same things.

It wasn't as though Alex hated being around people, he actually enjoyed it. His reluctance to socialize didn't exclude him from admiring or being envious of people like Matt, Jamie, and Nick, or even Breana, Katie, and Kelly, who seemed to have it all — looks, confidence, humor, and smarts.

To Alex, they were living _the life_ , a life Alex sometimes wished he could be a bigger part of.

 

Lately, Alex had grown tired of being alone.

He was ready to make the extra effort and work hard towards moving forward in his life and embracing all the wonderful things it had to offer without giving up too much of himself.

He wanted friends, wanted to go out with them to have a bite to eat, see a movie, attend a concert, or even just to shop, he wanted friends who would text him and wouldn't judge him because he was abnormally shy.

And Alex wanted to find that someone special of his own out there in the great, big world who cared about him and accepted him just the way he was, someone he could trust and depend on, whom he could share his private thoughts and secrets with and maybe, one day, could even hug or hold their hand, just to see what it was like to feel their skin and its warmth, to see if it was as wonderful as he imagined it would be.

This group of people in his art history class motivated Alex with their utterly complete acceptance of him and their genuinely honest display of friendship. This was the closest he'd ever been to having real friends and he vowed to himself that, one day, he would forge ahead with his newfound goal and take them up on an offer to join them.

One day.

 

"You did _WHAT?_ " Nick sputtered out loudly, nearly choking on the sip of hot coffee he'd just swallowed as the group continued the discussion they'd been having as they entered the building.

The girls began giggling while Matt and Jamie, who were both usually loud and animated, seemed weirdly turned to stone, their faces pale and frozen in shock as they sat down mechanically like robots, their mouths hanging open and their tongues tied over the current topic.

" _Oh my God, Nick!_ Keep it down!"

"I said we kissed! That's all...and we got paid _really_ well for it...it's no big deal."

The three girls stood in the row in front of the guys and took their time carefully removing their scarves, mittens, and hats before placing them safely on nearby seats.

"Oh, and we _may_ have also taken our clothes off and fooled around a bit...now shut up and eat the lovely breakfast we were so thoughtful to bring you..."

The ladies giggled again and leaned into each other affectionately as they started passing out pastries from a local bakery's instantly recognizable blue and silver bag.

Matt, Jamie, and Nick were stunned into silence.

 

Breana stepped one foot on her folding seat and hoisted her tiny self into the guy's row before repeating her actions and landing gracefully in Alex's row.

She smiled at him as she placed a napkin and donut on top of his notebook and then gently popped Matt in the head and motioned for him to pass back a coffee.

She set the hot drink next to his pastry. "Hi Alex, I really like that shirt..."

Alex looked down at himself, trying to recall what he'd thrown on that morning, discovering his dark, long-sleeved Henley.

He flushed and smiled shyly, pushing the strands of his long hair slightly off his face. "Thanks, Breana..."

"No problem, honey, we missed you Wednesday night..." She said it casually, as though they regularly met up, even though they never had. It was the gesture that counted, the group never guilted Alex over declining their invitations, this time for karaoke night at a popular pub. 

Alex picked at the donut, not making eye contact with her, and nodded.

Breana's smile grew wider and more gentle. "Maybe next time, yeah?"

Alex's body flooded with warmth at the friendship she and the rest of them continued offering, afraid one day it would disappear, and he looked up at her and nodded again, the soft smile still there as he tore a piece off from the donut and popped it quickly into his mouth.

She grinned and nodded back as she easily propelled her little body back over the row, accidentally kneeing Matt in the shoulder. Alex wondered if maybe it was done a little on purpose based on the reaction it provoked. Matt's strong arm shot out and grasped around her tiny calf to steady her as she continued climbing over the other row of seats, and the two exchanged long eye contact that seemed filled with blooming interest.

The entire five-second interaction made Alex blush and he immediately stared down at his coffee, hiding behind his long, dark hair.

He was both happy and sad.

Happy because they seemed to be headed in an exciting new direction.

Sad because all he wanted was for someone to look at him the way Matt looked at Breana and Breana looked at Matt.

 

"Now, ladies...for the love of God...we need to know everything that happened... _all of it_...every little detail..." Jamie demanded, having just recently regained his ability to speak.

Nick and Matt nodded eagerly in agreement, completely ignoring their food and drink and leaning in closer to the row in front of them.

Alex listened in as Breana, Kelly, and Katie explained how they'd made some easy money over the weekend by allowing themselves to be filmed making out, and maybe some other stuff, and that the photographer mentioned he'd be in town through the new year and was looking for more people to film.

" _Wait, wait, wait_...just hold it right there..." Matt sat back hard against his seat in disbelief. "Let me get this straight. Are you telling me that someone will _PAY ME_  to have a little wank in front of a camera? Is there a limit on how many videos I can make?" Matt's enthusiasm earned him shushes from the girls and hoots and shoving from the guys.

Even Alex grinned, embarrassed, into a blush. 

The lights dimmed, the projector turned on, and the professor began yet another monotone lecture, silencing the auditorium and the discussion.

"I'm serious...is there?" Matt whispered, but was ignored.

 

Alex completely zoned out as the instructor droned and droned on and on and on about chiaroscuro and tenebrism.

More pressing matters were running through his mind.

Just the month before, the little bookstore Alex worked at had suddenly closed, leaving him extremely short on cash for his living expenses.

Extremely short on cash meaning no cash at all.

It had been the perfect job for Alex, who loved the old books and the quietness that just happened with that type of store, where people naturally slipped into library-mode when surrounded by books. It was also full-time, paid well, and the natural ebb and flow between the regular visits of their loyal customers allowed Alex ample opportunities to study.

The owners had tried competing with the big chain stores and their trendy coffee shops, but they couldn't keep up with the costs, so Alex could only offer tea and two old tables with mismatched chairs, and could only order new books when customers left deposits for them.

Alex knew the store was struggling and that it was going to close eventually, he just hadn't planned on it being so soon and on such short notice. 

He was now in a bind and needed money desperately. His electricity had already been cut off, his rent was nearing two weeks overdue, and he was quite certain the final warning from his landlord, threatening eviction, would be taped to his door and greeting him when he returned to his flat later on that evening.

Eating the rest of the month would be nice, too.

 

It wasn't like Alex wasn't trying. The same day he arrived at the bookstore and saw the sign stating they were closed permanently, he had started looking for extra work, but the timing couldn't have been worse with companies already with enough seasonal help, or not hiring at all.

And Alex did have two other jobs, but their paychecks combined weren't enough to get him in the clear.

He was part of the work/study program at the university and occasionally cleaned the academic halls late at night when a custodian was ill or they needed extra help.

The work was easy and repetitive, and Alex would lose himself in the music blaring from his crappy pair of headphones while sweeping, mopping, dumping trash, and cleaning bathrooms in the buildings where he had just attended classes. He really didn't mind it much, he liked being on his own and the pay was decent, but the hours were sporadic at best and sometimes it was hard staying awake in his lectures the next day after being up all night.

But he managed, beggars couldn't be choosers, after all.

Alex also edited papers online and made a decent amount of cash doing it, but just like the janitorial work, it wasn't consistent enough to rely on as steady income. And with school about to let out for winter break, he knew he wouldn't be getting any new contracts until classes started up again.

Alex liked the computer work a great deal as there was no direct, face-to-face interaction, so he could be anyone he wanted to be, could be outgoing and have an amazing sense of humor, and could maybe even be a little flirty, too, if he wanted, because online, his clients only knew him as TheLastShadowPuppet.

Alex enjoyed sharing exchanges with fellow students from around the globe, most were repeat customers or referrals from others who had used him before, and he liked that, liked feeling like they were his good friends who were away at school and occasionally messaged him with questions about content, organization, and grammar.

Alex sometimes wished his actual life were more like his online life.

 

His last class that day came and went quickly, finally heralding in the weekend's arrival, and Alex emerged from the English building bundled up in his heavy coat with his backpack slung low over one shoulder, his eyes peering out from his thick, wool scarf.

It hadn't been a very productive day, which was unusual for Alex, who always listened intently to lectures and took copious notes, but he was okay with it, this time.

The girls and their tale of quick cash had stewed in his head where he had mulled it around, weighing his options and sorting out the pros and cons until he had come to a decision.

Alex's usual path after exiting the building would've had him cutting across campus towards his flat, but today, he turned on his heel and headed in the opposite direction, towards the city bus stop where he stood huddled in the corner of the bench's shelter beside several other students who were doing the same, all too cold to talk, too cold to move, too cold to care, even for a Friday.

The bus he was waiting on arrived not ten minutes later. For a split second, Alex thought about walking away, but his resolve kicked in along with the image of the very cold and dark flat that awaited him, and that alone was enough to propel him through the opened doors, up the short steps, and onto the bus.

Both his nerves and the biting temperature had him shaking, causing him to fumble with the coins through his thick, cumbersome gloves before shoving them into the meter. He then quickly moved down the aisle, avoiding eye contact at all costs, until he came across an empty row near the back.

 

He remained bundled up, it was going to be a long ride and the hollow metal bus with its poorly insulated and rickety windows and its cheap plastic seating felt frozen solid from the constant opening and closing of the door at its frequent stops.

Alex sunk his face into the warmth of his heavy coat and hid behind his scarf, trying his best not to look around, afraid to meet others' eyes, thinking they would know exactly where he was headed and what he was about to do.

After several stops with passengers shuffling on and off, Alex accidentally met the gaze of an older woman roughly about his mother's age, who smiled gently back at him as she sat down, and _no, no, no,_ he couldn't think things like that right now, like how the stranger was his mother's age, or anything about his mother or his father and how devastated they'd be if they knew what he was doing.

Alex had already disappointed them enough by not going home for Christmas break this year, choosing instead to stay behind after his last final exam where he would hopefully pick up some quick, seasonal jobs to get him through the holiday and into the new year. He had desperately tried to figure out a way around it, but in the end he knew he just couldn't afford to relax and celebrate with his parents in the comforting home of his childhood, time-wise or money-wise.

As their only child, he knew what the news had done to them both, but as usual, they tried their best to sound cheery and understanding, so as not to make Alex feel even worse.

Alex back-swallowed the growing lump that was painfully forming in his throat as he tried to push thoughts of his parents away.

 

He sighed, his warm breath filling the scarf around his face.

He didn't need this right now, he didn't need to think of his parents when he was about to do something he knew would absolutely break their hearts. And he wouldn't go to them for help. He'd already asked too much and he couldn't, wouldn't, ask for any more. He knew times were hard at the moment and that his parents could barely afford to make their own monthly payments, much less help him out with his.

Alex needed to do this just once to get the cash to pay his bills, and then he'd find another job that would work around his schedule and allow him to support himself.

The solution wasn't ideal, Alex knew that, but it _was_ a solution and it would only put _him_ on the spot, no one else, and that fact alone was what had helped him make the final call.

Alex had to stop being such a burden and had to quit clinging to his parents' pant legs.

He had to learn to make it on his own out in the world.

He could do this.

No matter how introverted he was, Alex was determined to push through it, to prove to himself that his shyness didn't control everything about him, it was just the way he preferred to be.

He was going to do this.

 

The motel was on the outskirts of town in an area that used to be its thriving hub but had been pretty much abandoned once the city started growing in a different direction.

It was styled in an old America West theme, complete with a neon cowboy sign that had a mechanical moving arm, slowly waving his pistol back and forth towards the sky.

It was a two-story, wraparound building with a sad, little cement pool with a faded fiberglass slide in the middle of the parking lot, drained and closed for winter. There were aged, cracked lounge chairs stacked and shoved off into a corner and the two large concrete planters at the entrance were now filled with cigarette butts and trash, their paint chipped and flaking, the cheery flowers that were there long ago now dust and a faded memory.

There was an old, flocked Christmas tree with tinsel showing through the office windows, half of its multi-colored lights were out, the other half blinking sadly against cheap dollar store ornaments.

The sunlight in the sky was fading fast and that made Alex feel a little better at the thought of being cloaked in the anonymity of the coming darkness.

Recalling every detail the girls had told the guys during class, Alex quickly bypassed the office and went straight to one of the motel rooms, straight to the one with the bright, burnt orange door with a longhorn on it.

 

The door opened before Alex could muster the courage to knock and two young women about his age emerged, giggling nervously and whispering as they headed to the parking lot.

Alex noted the wad of cash they both clutched in their mittened fists.

"Good luck!" One casually threw out to him, causing his eyes to drop to the ground as his face reddened.

"Looks like you're really going to need it!" The other giggled at his bashfulness and they both rushed off, laughing and whispering even more.

Alex was standing at the threshold when the door opened a little wider and a guy peeked around it. He grimaced when he saw Alex, rolling his eyes and mumbling something about overtime and missing dinner, before he quickly sized him up and nodded briskly.

"Well, come on then, get in here. I haven't got all day and it's fucking cold."

Without a second thought, Alex entered and stood just inside the closed door, awkwardly looking around the room which had been set up like a temporary office with a row of metal, folding chairs and table.

Alex soon found himself sitting on one of the chairs and answering the guy's random questions while filling out some forms clipped to a worn, wooden clipboard.

 

There were several others in the room, one a jock about ten times Alex's size who already looked hard and ready to go, the other was a young couple and the girl looked like she was about to back out at any minute, maybe because the alcohol was wearing off and she was sobering up.

Alex looked down again, nervously scribbling his answers.

"Are you cool with being filmed with someone else? We pay more for that." The guy pointed to one question on the sheet, hopeful that he might be able to finish his shift on time that night if he could pair the participants up.

Alex quickly checked the SOLO box.

Despite the draw of extra cash, he was already having a hard enough time accepting he was going to be naked and touching himself in front of anyone, much less a stranger with a camera. Alex didn't need the extra pressure of being paired up in some bizarre circle jerk, or worse yet, with the monster of an athlete sitting across from him who would no doubt put him even further to shame.

The receptionist sighed, his irritation not lost on Alex.

"How about your name?"

Alex looked up at him, his face flushing and brows lowering because he didn't understand the question.

The guy rolled his eyes and tapped impatiently on the clipboard.

"Can our filmmaker use your _real_ name, like when he talks to you during the video?"

Alex looked down at the sheet, feeling the pressure to complete it quickly before the receptionist became any more agitated.

He checked YES.

 

"Alright, if you answer _no_ on these next two, your pay will double because it'll save time on the editing process and we'll be able to get your video out there on the streets faster...so everyone, even your mom and pop and all your friends back home, can see you in all your naked glory..." The guy sneered, pointing to the questions about putting black bar over his eyes and pixelating his face.

Double the pay!

That amount of money would cover another half month to find a job.

Alex felt his face heating from both the guy's rude teasing and the idea of his parents ever seeing what he was about to do, but he wasn't going to let this condescending jerk affect him either way.

He needed the cash.

He checked NO on both boxes, sending up a silent prayer to the Karma Gods that his tape be accidentally destroyed somewhere along the processing line, keeping it from ever seeing the light of day, or dark of night.

Alex's stomach lurched as he handed the clipboard back to the guy, his mind racing at the thought of who was going to be watching him on film and what they would be doing to themselves as they watched him.

 

The guy looked him over, judging him critically.

"You sure are a quiet one...maybe you'll find your voice when rubbing a dirty one out, yeah?"

Alex's face blushed against his wishes and the couple giggled while the jock felt it necessary to chime in.

"From the looks of him, he'll probably only be moaning out his _own_ name!"

The receptionist laughed at that and must have immediately thought better of it, by the looks of the menacing glare he immediately directed at the jock.

"Shut your fucking trap, you moron! I didn't ask for your dumbass opinion, so shut up, will ya?"

Alex suddenly felt lightheaded, his palms were clamming up, the room was beginning a slow rotation into a spin, and he honestly thought he was about to be sick.

The tiny motel room was suddenly too, too warm and Alex began to remove his coat while he eyed the path to the bathroom, just in case, when the mobile on the table chirped.

 

The receptionist grabbed the phone and sent off a series of short texts with the sender before looking straight at Alex, and smiling.

"Okay, Alvin, you're up first, lover boy."

Alex was about to correct him, to tell him his name wasn't Alvin, but then he decided maybe it was better that the guy had his name wrong.

It really didn't matter one way or another.

Alex never planned to do this again. After this, he'd find a better way to make ends meet, gladly leaving this experience in the past where it would hopefully fade out of his memory.

And anyway, people getting his name wrong was nothing new to Alex.

He understood.

That's just the way it was.

He was forgettable, just a ghost going through the motions, transparent, with people either forgetting him as soon as they saw him or looking right through him and never really seeing him.

He was used to it.

 

Alex stood, fidgeting, and the guy motioned for him to leave the room, thrusting the paperwork in his hand as he did it.

"You can't miss it, unless you're a complete idiot. Go past the doors with the coyote and the rattlesnake, and knock on the one with the cactus...and give him this..."

" _Hey!_ Why does _he_ get to go first? We've been here longer! I haven't got all day, you know, I've got things to do!" The jock stood, angry, motioning wildly to the couple and himself.

The receptionist moved into the athlete, who towered above his scrawny frame, and aggressively jabbed a finger into his chest while looking up at him.

"Now, you fucking listen to me, asshole, because I'm only gonna say this once. You go when _I_ tell you to go, alright? Don't you dare tell me how to do my fucking job, you moron, or you can leave right now."

The two stared off for a few seconds before the monster of a jock stubbornly sat back down, pouting.

"Now, you...Alvin...stop wasting my fucking time and get your ass over there. Time is money!" The guy rudely guided Alex to the door where he pushed him out and slammed it shut behind him.

At first, Alex welcomed the instant chill as it soothed his nausea, but soon he was cursing the bitter wind and the way it blew the cold deep into his clothing, his gloved fingers awkwardly pulling his scarf up over his nose to protect it and his face from its relentless onslaught.

Alex wondered briefly if it were possible that it was even colder and windier than when he had arrived at the motel not even a half hour before.

Only because the weather was dictating it and not because he wanted to rush things along, Alex found himself with his head down and hurrying his way to the door with the cactus.

 

Alex hesitated in front of the turquoise door, his hand balling into a puffy fist, poised to knock.

He could feel his heart beating through his many layers of clothing, faster and faster, louder and louder, could feel it in his chest, his head, his ears.

This was it.

His last chance to change his mind.

He could just blow this off and maybe look for a quick job or two shoveling snow, except shoveling heavy, wet snow wasn't quick nor easy, and making this video paid so well for the amount of time it took, was actually double the pay he had originally expected.

Alex didn't have the luxury of time to waste. His rent was past due, his flat was dark and cold, he was hungry, and he could only job hunt between classes, and with finals now coming up, he'd have even less time.

Alex mashed his scarf down past his mouth and used his teeth to pull the glove from his hand.

He stood there as his trembling fingers traced over the colorful, lime green cactus for a moment, back and forth and back and forth, before he took a deep breath and committed himself.

His knock was uncharacteristically loud and firm.


	2. Chapter 2

"Come on in!"

Alex could barely make out the muffled voice that was calling to him from somewhere far within the room.

His fingers rested lightly on the cold handle of the door and he glanced one more time at the lime green cactus before taking another deep breath, gripping the knob, and turning it. He pushed the door open only slightly, just wide enough to allow himself to quickly slip in, trying his best to keep as much of the arctic air out as he could.

The heavy door closed behind him with a thunderous bang that shook the motel's thin walls, surprising Alex and causing him to jump from either fright or nerves, maybe a bit of both.

He had only taken one small step into the room before he was greeted by a wave of warm air that instantly started soothing the prickly pain of the biting wind and blistering cold.

Alex slowly loosened and unwound his scarf and dragged off his hat, and then he kept himself busy jamming them and his gloves into several of his coat's many pockets, grateful to have something to do to keep his mind temporarily occupied.

 

The photographer had just finished drying his hands when he heard, and felt, the door's resounding thud, signaling that his next client had made the leap and had entered the motel room.

He smiled.

He knew this wasn't easy for some of these kids.

What they were choosing to do was extremely difficult and intimidating as hell, and not just because they were performing sexually in front of a complete stranger, but also because there was a camera involved, recording it all, permanently.

He firmly believed that they had to be personally accountable for their actions, so that was why he always had them knock, open the door, and enter all on their own. It was a crucial first step and had always been pretty successful in weeding out those who were having last-minute doubts or had changed their minds completely during the short walk to his room.

It was okay if they reconsidered and hastily left, he didn't mind at all.

He actually preferred it.

He refused to pressure someone into being filmed and had even turned away some kids that he had deemed far too reluctant or too far drunk to make such a life-changing choice. Tipsy and completely aware was one thing, drunk and incoherent was another, he didn't care what legal forms they had signed, agreeing to it and releasing him from all liability.

It wasn't right and he wanted no part in forcing someone into doing something they might possibly regret later.

 

Alex stood just inside the door with his back nearly pressing against it, waiting.

After what seemed like hours to Alex, the guy finally appeared through the open doorway of the bathroom and immediately picked up a camera that sat nearby, flashing Alex a warm, welcoming smile as he made his way into the room.

Alex's eyes zeroed in and followed him, quickly taking in every tiny detail of the man he was about to spend some awkwardly intimate time with. The guy was about Alex's size and his face was both serious and gentle at the same time, his inviting eyes were sharp, but warm.

Alex eyed the rings on his long, slender fingers as they fiddled with the camera, then he moved on to the tight, white jeans that hugged his thighs and the brilliantly-patterned shirt that hung perfectly on his thin, muscled frame. He also noted several buttons were undone, revealing a gold chain dangling around his neck.

The guy moved smoothly with grace and confidence, and he sported a stylish, short-cropped haircut that made him look much older than he probably was, more experienced, too.

It was a really good look on him.

Alex was immediately wonderstruck.

 

This guy certainly didn't look like he was inside a rundown room of a seedy motel in a small college town taking smutty videos; he looked more like he was doing an important magazine photo shoot for a big name designer in an international city, where people easily paid more for one pair of shoes than Alex paid for an entire month's rent.

Alex fidgeted.

If possible, he suddenly felt even more uncomfortable, especially over his choice of clothing for the day. He'd come directly after his last class and was wearing a version of what he pretty much wore every day — a dark Henley, faded jeans, boots, and a soft, black belt that was cinched snug against his slender hips, leaving its long end flopping aimlessly about.

It certainly wasn't anything special and it definitely wasn't fashionable, but it was what he felt most comfortable wearing and that was what mattered the most.

At least, to Alex it was.

He began to worry, wondering if maybe he should've dressed up a little more, but then again, he really didn't have anything nicer to wear, he was a college student, after all.

Besides, Breana had said she liked his shirt earlier, so that was something, and if Alex allowed himself to think more about it, the quality of his clothing really wasn't going to matter too soon anyway, he wouldn't be wearing any of it quick enough.

 

Alex thrust out his hand, offering the papers he'd been told to deliver and averting his eyes as the guy set the camera down and took them, scanning and flipping the pages over quickly before looking up and smiling.

"Okay, Alvin, I'm Miles and I'll be shooting you today..."

Alex froze.

He didn't want to do this under any other name but his own.

He really couldn't care less whether the jerk in the other room knew anything about him, but for some strange reason it was suddenly very important to Alex for this photographer, who was about to film him doing such a personal and private act, to at least know his real name.

"It's Alex..." He corrected, his voice light and soft, barely audible and laced with a hint of embarrassment.

"What's that? Allen?" Miles looked up, trying to decipher what the boy had just whispered.

"No, it's...it's Alex...Alex...my name is Alex..." His eyes were cast downward, seemingly glued to the floor, avoiding contact with Miles.

Miles studied the boy a moment before glancing down at the paperwork again.

_Fucking Liam._

The clown couldn't even get someone's name right.

Both Liam and his brother were basically useless to Miles, were too busy trying to feel important while doing a lot of nothing and then complaining about it, were always fighting, and were both irrelevant and incapable.

Hell, they couldn't even accomplish simple tasks monkeys could easily do without any effort.

 

Miles sighed and looked up, his warm smile returning.

"Right. Alex. Sorry about that...I really need to find some new help. Anyway, like I said, I'm Miles and I'll be the one filming you and talking you through this whole process, step-by-step."

Alex nodded and stared down at the papers Miles was holding, not sure why he'd been so insistent that Miles knew his correct name, but for some reason Alex was happy that he knew it now.

Alex's name somehow sounded nice and important as it rolled off of Miles' tongue.

"Alright, Alex, first things first. It's important you understand that if you want me to stop filming or if you've got questions, about anything, at anytime, it's no problem, just let me know. I want you to be comfortable with everything that's happening, okay?" Miles bent his head to get a better look at Alex's face, refusing to look away until he knew the boy understood what he was saying, and agreed.

Alex looked up at Miles, nodding quickly.

He understood.

He understood completely.

Miles paused before nodding in return, satisfied.

 

"Would you like some coffee, tea, or soda...maybe something a little stronger?" Miles motioned towards the old, wood-paneled minibar that sat near the bathroom door.

Alex shook his head quickly, starting to worry that his current state of mind would soon be manifesting itself through loads and loads of nervous sweat.

Miles skimmed over the paperwork again and then set it on the table before picking up another camera, this one much larger than the previous.

"Okay, Alex, it looks like you've agreed to pretty much everything, but you can still change your mind. I can still block out your name, your face, even your voice if you want, so it can all be completely anonymous. But you don't have to worry about any of that right now. You can make that final decision once we're done, when you sign all the necessary release forms and get paid, all right?"

Alex nodded again.

So this was it.

He was actually here and he was going to do this, was going to solve all his money problems in one fell swoop.

And this guy, Miles, who seemed really nice, was going to talk him through it, filming while he did so.

And this tiny room in this old motel was where it was all going to happen.

 

Alex looked around.

Up until that point, his focus had been mostly on Miles or the worn-out carpeting, so he was surprised when he took in the entire room, his eyes coming to a dead stop when landing on the couch.

It clearly wasn't the couch that came with the room, was nothing like the old, tired one he'd seen when filling out the paperwork several doors down.

This was a very expensive piece of furniture by the looks of its richly-woven fabric and tufted cushions. A lap blanket made of white fur tossed casually over the back of the couch added even further to its luxurious appearance. To its side was a dark, wood table where a modern lamp sat, providing a soft, warm glow to the intimate area, and behind it all were long, thick drapes that were pulled close, effectively blocking out the cheap window blinds and ugly parking lot that lay just behind them.

Alex took a moment, his eyes darting back and forth between the sitting area with its elegant accoutrements and the sleeping area with its sad little bed, cheap floral comforter, laminate bed tables, and tacky artwork hanging above it.

He was confused.

"It doesn't belong here..." He whispered softly, practically to himself, his eyes resting on the couch again.

It was absolutely beautiful with its lush fabric that was made to be stroked and touched. The piece was meant for so much more and looked entirely out of place in the dingy, old motel room.

It deserved better.

 

"What's that?" Miles looked up from his camera to see what Alex was referring to.

Miles chuckled and shook his head.

Alex was the first to ever comment on Miles' setup.

"You like that? That, my friend, is what keeps me ahead of my competition. They assume I'm filming in really nice houses or expensive hotels, but in reality, I'm just buying a few pieces of expensive furnishings and making them think that's what I'm doing." Miles winked and grinned.

Alex nodded slowly, eyes wide and a little caught up in the fact that Miles had just winked at him and called him his friend out of nowhere.

Miles held the large camera at his belly and was looking down, clicking and adjusting its levers and buttons, while he continued talking.

"You see, Alex, I only get paid for what I sell, so the more high-end looking videos I produce, the more that are purchased, which in turn makes me loads of cash. After a few more weeks, that couch and the rest of it will be in the dumpster outside and I'll be moving on to another town to do it all over again." Miles let out a puff of air, pleased to reveal his ingenuity.

Alex blinked, his eyes once again scanning over the decadent tableau set out in front of him.

Miles was a genius.

 

Miles smiled, his long arm stretching out and motioning an invitation towards the sitting area.

"Okay, Alex, for starters, I'm going to film you undressing..."

Shit.

This was it.

Miles was wasting no time.

Alex took in a deep breath, nodded, and moved to the couch, all the while fighting the natural urge to turn his back to the camera for a modicum of privacy before realizing that this was what he was being paid for. Still, he couldn't help shifting his body slightly so he was displaying more of a side angle as he quickly undressed with no fanfare, no slow tease, just simply shrugging out of his coat before easily pulling off his shirt, relieved to confirm that he hadn't started to sweat, yet.

The air in the room was comfortably warm and Alex silently thanked Miles for that, he didn't need a layer of cool air attaching to him and bringing out shivering spasms and goosebumps on top of everything else that was going to be going on very soon.

One less thing to worry about was always a good thing.

Alex tried hard to act casual, as though undressing in front of others was something he did on a regular basis in the gym, in the bedroom, wherever, but he was very nervous and his trembling fingers betrayed him when they fumbled awkwardly as he tried to undo his soft, worn leather belt with the tantalizingly long tail.

Miles eyed everything through the picture lens and he could already hear the collective breath hitching in thousands of viewers' throats over the difficulty Alex was having with his belt, over the visible and nearly tangible nervousness the kid was exuding, and over the would-he-or-wouldn't-he question the entire scene was presenting.

This kid was fucking golden.

 

"Sorry..." Alex muttered softly when he finally got the clasp to release and he proceeded to quickly undo his jean's button and then unzip them, trying to make up for his previous delay.

Miles looked up from the camera, shaking his head.

"No...no...it's no problem, Alex, you're doing fine. Why don't you slow down while you're taking off the rest, okay? First your shoes and socks...you can sit if you want. Remember, slowly..."

Alex nodded, his face still down, his long hair hiding his further humility over being told how to undress as though he were a small child.

He sat on the couch and Miles briefly took note of Alex's lean frame, how the smooth muscles of his shoulders, arms, and back moved underneath his skin as he bent over, working to undo his boots.

Alex sat up and nudged the shoes off with his toes before quickly taking off his socks and setting them neatly on top of his boots.

He then hesitated for a second, took another deep breath, and leaned back while hooking his thumbs into his jeans and brief's waistbands and lifting his ass slightly, allowing the removal of them both, all at once. He stood from the couch with them still bunched on his thighs and was about to strip them off quickly when he remembered Miles' request and slowly lifted each leg, balancing himself surprisingly gracefully, as he calmly and gradually pulled each free.

 

Miles hummed, satisfied with the footage he had just filmed.

"That was perfect, Alex, thank you. You can go ahead and gather your things and put them over there." Miles indicated the bedroom area with a tilt of his head. "You know...you take direction very well, Alex. If you keep this up, we'll be done in no time, all right?"

Alex nodded, preening a bit at the unexpected praise and still mesmerized at how nice his name sounded when Miles spoke it.

And he spoke it a lot.

Alex reached down and in one fluid motion, quickly picked up his discarded clothes and clutched them tightly to his body, conveniently covering himself, as he moved across the room and placed them in a tidy pile on the bed, near the bathroom to aid in his eventual escape.

Miles pushed a few buttons on the camera and set it down before he moved to a stationary one sitting on a tripod directly in front of the couch and started making several adjustments there.

He turned towards Alex and quickly assessed the naked boy who was awkwardly waiting, his long hair hiding his obvious embarrassment and his hands so nervous they didn't seem to know where to go or what to do, probably fighting the instinct to shield his nudity, his body language begging _please don't look at me._

 

Miles smiled softly at Alex.

It was a bit heartbreaking that this kid didn't realize how beautiful he really was, but then again, his unawareness only added to his beauty.

Miles briefly skimmed over Alex again, in a purely professional manner.

Alex was damn near perfect in his book.

He was thin and fit, with flawless skin stretched out over lean muscle, skin so pale that Miles already knew the camera was going to love it, and he had a nice cock in both girth and length, even in its current flaccid state. His body was smooth and looked nearly hairless except for the dark curls nesting around his cock and the long locks that framed both his gentle face and his long, slender neck which showed off a pronounced Adam's apple that Miles just discovered was highly distracting.

Miles cleared his throat and swallowed, alleviating its sudden and unexpected dryness.

Jesus.

Alex _was_ perfect.

 

Alex stood there, completely naked, not knowing what to do.

His heartbeat was thundering a brutal riff in his throat and ears, the incessant thumping blocking out his ability to think or even center himself enough to push his anxiety away.

Then Miles spoke, his voice gently commanding and strangely comforting, its tone instantly helping soothe some of Alex's fears.

Miles had seen the growing panic in Alex's eyes, how they had begun darting frantically around as though Alex had just woken up from a dream and didn't know where he was, and that immediately spurred Miles away from admiring Alex's perfect features and back into work-mode.

"Okay, Alex, just catch your breath and breathe. Believe me, everything's going to be fine. You're beautiful...your skin...it's absolutely perfect, Alex...it's made for film. And I know this whole situation is probably weird and you've probably only been alone or with someone you care about when you normally do this, but I'll make sure you get through it, all right? People are going to pay good money to watch you. Shit, Alex...I'd pay to watch you..."

Alex's eyes shot up after Miles' last admission, disbelief and a little bit of excitement fluttering behind his long, dark lashes.

It was suprisingly thrilling, that someone as put-together and worldly as Miles could even look at Alex in that way, as though Miles and other people could find Alex beautiful and desirable, not just shy and socially awkward.

 

"I mean it, Alex, you're going to be great. This whole bashful, soft-spoken thing you've got going on only makes you even more attractive. You just need to relax. Are you sure you don't want something to drink? To take the edge off?"

Alex took a deep breath, eyed the bar again, but shook his head.

He'd really never had alcohol before, not really, unless wine on festive, family occasions counted, but he knew he didn't want any of it anyway, he wanted to do this with a clear head so that when it was all over, he'd only have himself to blame and nothing else, especially not what he'd had to drink.

"Well, feel free if you change your mind..." Miles smiled, satisfied that Alex was more settled, but knowing he'd better hurry things along to prevent another possible panic attack.

Alex nodded and Miles motioned to the couch as he started moving around, stepping over cords and tilting his lighting umbrellas.

 

"Let's get things set up, shall we? Have a seat. I'm going to ask you a few questions while I'm recording, just to get you headed in the right direction. I can also pull up a pay channel on the telly to help you along...whatever you need, Alex. I want you to be completely comfortable, okay?" Miles gave Alex another warm smile before turning his attention back to the camera.

Alex nodded, made his way to the couch, and took a seat, before suddenly realizing that Miles was nearly ready to start filming.

And Alex was nowhere close to being hard.

His heartbeat ratcheted up again with its relentless pounding, first in his chest and moving quickly up to thunder in his throat and ears.

The whole point of him being here was to have a hard dick and now he couldn't even get it up and his embarrassment was about to suffocate him and Miles surely must have noticed and was judging him and worrying it was going to be a problem and was probably going to be angry that Alex was completely wasting his time.

Alex took several deep breaths, trying to calm his nerves.

What the hell was he doing?

Why was he even here?

What was he thinking?

Alex looked down at his painfully soft dick and knew there was no way he was going to be able to get hard in front of anyone, much less a stranger, even if the stranger was Miles who seemed kind and spoke Alex's name like he was truly important.

There was no way.

 

Miles was looking into the viewfinder, adjusting the filters when he zeroed in on Alex's stricken face.

He immediately pulled back from his gear and instinctively took a few steps towards the boy, who was starting to look lost and frustrated, and ready to run, his big, dark eyes were too wide, too vulnerable, and way too shiny.

"Alex...relax. It's going to be alright. I promise..."

The kind, softly-spoken words made more tears well up and Alex quickly hid behind his long bangs as he hurriedly wiped them away, silently cursing himself and his weak emotions.

Fuck! He was going to blow this. Miles wasn't going to be able to film him because he couldn't get it up and who wants to watch a video with some stupid, shy kid spinnng his dick around like a useless propeller and Miles was going to kick him out and he wasn't going to get paid and he was going to be out on the street.

Alex gulped in air, his eyes fixed upon the ground.

Miles was at a loss of what to do or say to ease the kid's mind. He took in a quiet breath and let out a silent sigh. He couldn't say or do anything, he didn't want to influence Alex either way, didn't want to even encourage or discourage him. This was entirely Alex's decision and Miles wanted no part in it if Alex wasn't completely sure that he wanted to proceed himself.

Miles hated seeing the turmoil Alex was going through. It shouldn't be this hard, people either did it or they didn't, they came prepared and ready to go, and most of them usually had fun doing it, with no regrets and always happy, bubbly, and excited on their way out, their fists and pockets stuffed with cash.

Never were they as conflicted as Alex was right now.

Miles' gut began to hurt in a strange way and he suddenly wanted to make it all stop, to help Alex feel better, and to take away his pain.

"Alex, are you sure you really want to do this?" He asked softly, gently.

Alex's eyes widened even further in fear and he nodded rapidly, almost frantically.

Miles shook his head.

"I don't know, Alex, you just don't seem like you're ready...tell you what...you can always come back in a few days, or even next week, if you have something else you need to do right now...my door is always open..." Miles offered, giving the boy an easy, but dignified, exit.

 

Alex's eyes widened even more and several tears spilled out as he sat up, alarmed.

"No! Please! I'm...I'm sorry...I just...I just didn't think it would be this difficult. I'm sorry...I don't mean to waste your time...I...I want to do this...I need to... _please_..."

Again, his words were barely above a whisper, but he spoke them in undeniable earnest, everything about his body language was sincere as he begged Miles to please let him do this, to please give him what he wanted. And Miles believed him, could almost smell his pained determination mixed with dread that Miles was going to deny him this opportunity.

He also realized it was the most Alex had spoken since arriving.

Miles studied Alex and thought about the way he curled into himself, looking mostly downward and avoiding direct eye contact, and the quiet delivery of his voice when he had to speak, hoping it was loud enough to be heard, but, please, not to be noticed.

And then Miles understood.

Miles was used to all types in his line of work, and they all had their personas polished and perfected — the cocky jocks and frat boys with their bulking muscular physiques who strolled in with their hard dicks already in hand, the young couples giggling and making their best porn faces and moans, the experienced sorority girls who were way too comfortable in front of the camera, and the overachieving students wanting a taste of their inner wild who were nervous at first, but then embraced their sexy roles and really turned it on for the camera.

This wasn't simply an act that Alex was putting on, it was the way he was — extremely shy to the point where it limited him in some social aspects, but he also had this impressive amount of fierce determination. This kid knew what he needed and was willing to do whatever it took to get it, even if it went against every fiber of what made him who he was.

It was fucking admirable.

 

" _Please_..." Alex whispered the plea again.

Miles' heart lurched and he fought down the urge to rush in, take Alex in his arms, and soothe him.

And where did that random thought come from?

Miles knew.

It came from the boy sitting in front of him, wide-eyed and teary, fighting for something he didn't really want, but apparently needed, very badly.

This kid was something else.

Miles had pretty much seen hundreds, maybe even thousands, of college kids by now, and he had always treated them in the same way, simply as living objects that needed to be filmed — just another video, just another sale.

Rarely, and by rarely that meant never, had Miles felt so protective over a kid, _this kid_ , who was so determined, yet so shy and nervous.

And so beautiful.

 

Miles squatted in front of Alex, who was huddled on the lush, velvety couch and looked a few seconds away from leaping up and running off, clothing be damned, into the night.

The boy jumped a little at Miles' sudden close proximity to his, well, his nakedness.

"First off, Alex, don't you dare apologize. You're not wasting my time. Let the others wait. I only care about you right now, okay? And second, you and I are going to get through this together, and I'm going to see to it that we both make our money, all right?"

Alex looked at Miles through his tears and nodded, a very small smile tugging at his lips, trusting Miles and feeling like they were now a team working together toward a common goal. Miles was a nice guy, he knew exactly what to say to stop Alex from panicking and settle his nerves.

Alex could see why he was so good at what he did.

He took a few more shaky breaths, but they were nice and deep, calming. As he wiped his eyes, he willed his body to relax, which he felt it starting to do.

Miles grinned, patted Alex's knee, and stood, taking a few steps back to adjust the lighting backdrop before checking the angle on the tripod again.

Once done, he picked up another camera.

"Let's get started, shall we?"


	3. Chapter 3

"Let's get started, shall we?"

Alex looked up, nodding quickly, and Miles gave him another soft, encouraging smile as he carefully set the camera on a small stool next to the tripod and then squatted down to make a slight, last-minute adjustment to its height, carefully tightening the screws that held the long legs in place.

And that's when Alex did the first thing that came to mind.

He ran.

He shook his head and admitted to himself that he just couldn't go through with it, and then he took a painfully deep breath, held it in, and bolted from the couch, hoping to reach the motel room's door before Miles could even register what was happening.

With one quick twist and yank of the knob, he pulled the heavy door open and was outside, free and running away, putting distance between himself and that place, and what he'd been about to do there.

It also put him farther away from the humiliation he'd felt in front of Miles, which Alex regretted because Miles had been nothing but kind and supportive, hadn't made Alex feel uncomfortable at all, and had even alluded that they were working together towards a common goal — money.

But Alex couldn't think about the cash right now, or the problems it would solve, or even how nice Miles had been.

This wasn't about that.

Running away was all about his dignity, and maybe a little fear.

So Alex ran.

 

" _Alex?_ " He refused to look back as Miles called out to him, and he definitely ignored the way his name rolled so smoothly and effortlessly off of Miles' tongue.

He just kept running.

He ran to the cadence of his heart racing and his feet pounding on the snow-slick pavement, ignoring the brutally sharp cold that was slicing through his skin and taking hold of his bones as he desperately tried to make it to the bus that was waiting at the stop, about to pull away.

He made it just in time.

The bifold doors opened up, wide and welcoming, and Alex quickly climbed the steps, averting his eyes and ducking his head out of habit while giving the driver a shy smile as he reached for some coins in his pocket.

Except there were no coins.

Because there was no pocket.

Because there were no clothes.

Alex looked down at his naked body, his feet a blistering, ruby red from their bare sprint across the motel's frozen and barren courtyard, his skin an angry pink. And, of course, he noted that his dick was still soft and looked like it was seriously considering crawling up inside him and hibernating from the miserably cold air, with his balls following soon after.

The bus driver rolled his eyes and mumbled something to himself, completely unfazed, as though passengers routinely tried boarding his bus without clothing. He said nothing, just shook his head and pointed to the large sign by the coin meter that read — No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service.

 

Alex gulped in another rough shot of air, still trying to steady his madly beating heart and calm his frayed nerves.

Well, that wouldn't work.

" _Alex?_ " Miles called to him again, questioning.

Alex blinked several times and briskly shook his head, trying to clear the desperate fantasy that had just flashed through his mind. He looked up from where he was sitting on the couch at Miles, who had just pushed some cords on the floor out of the way with his foot.

He was crazy to have even entertained the thought of running for those brief seconds. He knew he had to do this, he needed the money and it didn't matter how scared or embarrassed he was. Considering his current situation, he really had no other choice. This wasn't the only solution, but it was the best.

Alex's eyes followed Miles as he moved around, checking things.

At least he had gotten lucky with Miles, who really had been surprisingly friendly and understanding. Alex could've been stuck with someone like the dickhead receptionist from earlier, who would've been nothing but rude and angry.

He really did get lucky with Miles.

 

Miles stopped what he was doing and gave Alex another warm, sincere smile, waiting for Alex to respond to Miles calling his name.

Alex drew in another deep breath and gave Miles a small smile in return, trying his best to conceal his doubts and thoughts of running.

He had to do this. He'd already made the decision, he was here, and he had come this far. He was going to do this. He just had to get the rest of his body to agree.

Alex glanced down briefly at his dick as it lay there tucked against his thigh, limp and lifeless, and he was fully ready to glare at the offending appendage and start an internal argument with it, but then he thought better of it. The last thing he needed was some kind of bizarre showdown between him and his penis stalling things even further.

Deep down inside, he had a feeling his stubborn dick would win. Sometimes, it seemed like it had a mind of his own.

Actually, most times.

"Are you ready?" Miles questioned gently, having kept a watchful eye on the boy while he slowly dragged out finishing up his prep work, hoping to give Alex some extra time to calm himself enough to continue.

 

Alex nodded curtly, his eyes still big and glassy wet.

He was going to do this.

He lay back against the beautiful couch in stiff repose, his body still wound painfully tight with nerves, but centered perfectly in the camera's frame, waiting for Miles' next instruction.

Miles smiled, pleased with Alex's affirmative response, completely oblivious to the great escape Alex had just played out in his head. He moved until he was next to the tripod and looked up from the camera he was holding.

"Okay, Alex, as I film, I'll be walking around, getting different angles, but I want you to just focus here, on this camera on the tripod, okay? Pretend I'm always here when I'm asking questions or telling you what to do, it'll make the viewers feel like you're looking right at them, so don't let your eyes follow me, okay?"

Alex looked at the tripod and nodded.

Miles moved toward the switch on the wall, shutting off the room's overhead lighting and leaving only the strong umbrella lights and the table lamp to illuminate the scene.

"Alright, let's begin. You're going to do great, Alex, I can feel it already."

 

Alex blushed and nodded his head again, the movement making several long, dark strands of his hair fall and cover most of his eyes and face.

Miles looked up from his camera at Alex and wondered briefly if the hair action was a defense mechanism, or maybe some type of comforting habit or protective reflex, a way that allowed Alex to hide, or disappear, whenever he wanted. Whatever the reason, it was working, making Alex come across as even more vulnerable and timid, and even more desirable.

Miles pursed his lips together, privately holding back a grin, but shaking his head.

_Jesus this kid!_

His bashfulness alone was enough to pull someone into his clutches, but when added to the feeling of innocence that was nearly oozing out of every pore, he was fucking irresistible.

 _Hell_ , Miles had only known Alex for a few minutes and he'd already been drawn into and captured by Alex's sticky web of purity and goodness, and he was now struggling deliciously in its invisible restraints, waiting for the shy boy to spin him in his silken string and give him sweet death.

This kid was good.

 

Alex wasn't good.

Alex was soft.

He took another deep breath, trying to even out his breathing and push away the anxious thoughts that were currently filling his mind.

Why couldn't things work out the way they were supposed to, just once, and just today, of all days?

This was supposed to be so easy once he got over the first hurdle of taking his clothes off, at least that's how it had played out in his head. After removing his clothes, Alex was going to close his eyes, have a quick wank, make his money, and get out of there, gladly putting it all in his past.

Easy.

But nobody told his dick that.

Alex desperately palmed himself, hoping the pressure would get a beginning rise out of him, like it usually did. His trembling fingers delivered a few preliminary pulls on his dick, hoping for some interest.

Nothing.

Alex's heart started racing again, he couldn't believe this was happening, that he'd come this far, had taken the bus, had filled out the papers, had actually undressed in front of a complete stranger, had already been talked down from one growing panic attack, and was now going to be denied his pay because he was at the mercy of his traitorous dick, which would normally get hard at the slightest mention of anything, anytime, anywhere.

His dick was being a dick.

Miles took a few steps to the left of the tripod, looking down at the camera's screen, watching the boy's fear and anxiety mounting again.

He spoke calmly, hoping to help Alex with his apparent problem. "Alright, Alex, you just need to relax, yeah? You've got this. Just think of someone...someone you'd like to be with right now...someone you'd like to be touching you just like that...can you do that for me?"

Alex squeezed his eyes shut in frustration and shook his head.

"C'mon, Alex, there must be someone. A special girl? Maybe a crush or an old girlfriend?"

Alex kept his eyes tightly closed as he shook his head again, clearly upset and now tugging frantically on his uncooperative dick.

 

Miles looked up from the camera and started watching Alex directly while still keeping the boy centered in the frame, filming his every move.

Alex's eyes were screwed shut and Miles could see he was nervous, and honestly, who wouldn't be in this same situation? But Miles could also see how badly Alex wanted this, he could feel the inner turmoil the boy was struggling with, the crushing pressure he was putting on himself.

Miles licked his lips, starting to feel Alex's nervousness along with him, and he silently started rooting for the boy to overcome his anxiety and accomplish this difficult task, which was playing out and coming to life before him, all being captured beautifully on film. What made it even better was that Alex wasn't some punk college student simply having fun and playing make-believe for cash, it was obvious this kid was genuinely nervous, and maybe a bit scared, but so very determined.

And it showed.

The worry on his brow and the way Alex kept biting down on his lower lip and then releasing it, swollen and red, in an enticing way only guaranteed the video's success even more.

Miles couldn't believe his luck.

This was a rare event.

Viewers didn't normally get to see this, to see a soft dick being coaxed into hardness. Most videos jumped right into action with some cocky guy already hard and ready to perform.

Miles knew that the future viewers of this tape were going to go crazy over this uniquely intriguing kid. More importantly, they were going to be torn as they watched Alex in all his innocent glory, finding themselves struggling with their own nurturing instincts as they mixed with sudden dark impulses, not knowing whether to comfort and soothe the boy who so obviously needed it, or bend him over the couch and teach him a lesson by violently fucking the hesitation and shyness right out of him.

Miles suddenly felt sick to his stomach picturing others jerking off while watching this, while watching Alex's very private moment. It was wrong for people to watch. Even more wrong for them to get off on it. And it was wrong for Miles to record it. But Miles couldn't stop it, Alex had made it clear, had actually begged Miles to let him do this.

Alex wanted this.

So all Miles could do was help him along.

 

"Relax, Alex, it's just you and me, don't feel rushed, okay? Just let your body relax. What about a boy, Alex? Do you have a special boy somewhere? Or is there a guy you've been secretly admiring?" Miles gently pressed, hoping to help Alex find the visual he needed to succeed.

Eyes still shut, Alex lay his head back against the couch and cleared his mind, focusing completely on Miles' soothing voice and encouraging words, and the way his name slid off Miles' tongue so generously with warmth and respect.

Then his thoughts wandered to Miles' earlier comment about his perfect skin and Alex felt a rush of pride swell deep inside his chest, threatening to burst out. Nobody had ever said nice things like that to him before. Sure, his mom and even the girls in class would give him small compliments here and there from time to time, but a complete stranger never had and the thought wrapped around Alex and stuck with him, giving him a warm feeling he'd never experienced before.

And Miles saw Alex's quietness as a strength, an asset, and a thing of beauty, not as a weakness or a defect that had to be fixed. Throughout his entire life, there were so many people, from nosy mothers at the playground to interfering strangers in the grocery store, giving advice to his parents and then leaning down and telling little Alex to just stop being so shy, and that it was easy if he only put in some effort, tried a little harder, and quit looking for attention, and that he was putting his family through so much unnecessary suffering when he could just be _normal._

But not Miles.

Miles thought Alex was fantastic.

Just the way he was.

 

Then, before Alex could gather his thoughts and concentrate on the job literally at hand, he started picturing Miles and the way he looked and dressed, the way he moved, and the way he was kind and gentle with Alex.

Alex wondered if Miles smelled and felt as good as he looked.

He really was a handsome guy, was thin and lean and moved with strength and purpose and confidence. Alex liked his gentle eyes and warm smile, and it was hard to believe Miles made his living filming people doing this, even harder to believe that Miles said Alex was beautiful.

Alex thought Miles was beautiful, too.

Alex took in a slow breath and released a soft sigh, relieved, the familiar beginnings of aching arousal pulsing warmly in his system as his dick began to twitch in his hand.

Miles watched Alex calming down and taking deep breaths, his fingers easing up from their tight, frantic grip on his dick, but still pulling and tugging softly until Miles saw it starting to respond to whatever Alex was thinking about.

He quickly zoomed in on Alex's cock as it began filling out and thickening rapidly.

And,  _God! —_ ifthat wasn't a turn-on in itself, Miles didn't know what was.

"There you go, Alex..." He murmured. "Do you have someone in mind? Someone you'd like to be with right now, to touch? To feel? To share this with?"

 

Alex nodded slowly and continued stroking himself as his dark eyes dragged open and focused on Miles so intently that it nearly knocked Miles back a step.

Their eyes met and Miles swallowed hard. It wasn't difficult to know that Alex was picturing Miles in his head, the signals he was putting off were so obvious that it was fucking palpable, and for some odd reason, Miles was okay with it, maybe even a little flattered. The boy was probably completely unaware of how easy it was to read him and the way his gaze held on to Miles, hungry, while he kept touching himself, his nearly black eyes sex-clouded and his mouth fallen slightly open, eager and wanting something to fill it, to satisfy its need.

Miles felt a sudden, unwelcome warmth course through his body as his own cock began to stiffen in response.

_No, no, no..._

This couldn't happen, had never actually happened, to him before. He had pretty much seen and heard everything by this point, but he'd always remained professional and had never gotten aroused while filming. None of it, _none of them_ , had ever affected Miles in this way.

Miles didn't know what to do. Should he say something? Should he stop this?

Alex had closed his eyes again as he lay there against the couch, his entire body starting to relax from the methodical movements of his fisted hand gliding along his hardening dick.

No, Miles couldn't stop it. This wasn't Alex's fault, it was entirely his. Miles couldn't punish the boy because he'd messed up and turned Alex into something more than simply an object to be filmed. Miles had been the one who had made the mistake of making Alex human, not Alex, so he shouldn't have to pay for Miles' unexpected lack of control. It wouldn't be fair, especially after Alex's initial struggle to even get started.

For Alex's sake, Miles was just going to have to push his unprofessional thoughts to the side and make this happen as quickly as possible before sending the kid on his way.

 

Miles tried to swallow down the large lump that was sitting, dry and unmoving, in his throat.

"So, _uh_...Alex, can you show me what you do... _you know_...when you're doing this...show me what you like to do to yourself...or have done to you?"

Alex caught himself looking towards Miles just in time and redirected his gaze to the tripod instead, just like Miles wanted. He blushed and nodded, delicately wiping a strand away from his face with a finger on his free hand while the other lazily ran up and down his dick.

Miles was quickly becoming overwhelmed. He knew he needed to help Alex get through the filming, but he also had to deal with his own lower half and the unexpected heat that had suddenly kicked in down there and was spreading rapidly, his dick getting harder and fatter, and his jeans getting uncomfortably snugger, if that were even possible. He was grateful that the lights shining on Alex made him practically a deer in the headlights, and Miles could conceal his growing situation by mostly staying just beyond them.

_Damn this kid!_

Miles needed to focus entirely on Alex's situation and helping to keep his earlier promise to see the boy through this experience. He took a deep breath and held it in while he switched to another camera, turning his complete attention away from his own demanding dick and towards Alex and the goal they needed to achieve.

Back to business.

 

"Alex, when...when you do this...do you...do you use one hand? Or two?"

Miles tried to remember the questions he would ask others to get them moving in the right direction, but his mind wasn't functioning properly and his throat was sore and so, so dry and he was certain he'd kill for a drink from the mini bar, there was no way the lump was going to leave without a swig of something. Anything.

"Two..." Alex ghosted out his response as he looked up at the camera, fighting the urge to look directly at Miles in response, perhaps embarrassed that everyone, including Miles, would now have a pretty good idea of what both his hands got up to when he was having a go at it.

Miles drew in a sharp breath at Alex's answer and his dick responded eagerly as another wave of warmth hit him, swirling through his insides.

"So...could you...I mean... _would you_...show me, Alex?"

Alex dropped his eyes, shrugging out a maybe, and looked down at himself, watching his grip on his dick tighten while the other hand remained still, resting tentatively on his thigh.

After a few more gentle strokes, Miles could see that Alex was nearing full hardness, his cock was now darker than all the pale skin around it, flushed with the blood that was filling it, the ridge around the taut, silken head much more pronounced.

 

"Would you like...do you want...lube?" Miles barely croaked out.

Alex shrugged again and nodded, his face quickly blushing at the offer. This felt so personal, too personal. It was already more intimate than Alex had ever been with anyone in his life, and it was awkward, like he was revealing his most private urges and needs to a large crowd of strangers.

Miles stepped backwards to the table, the camera he held at his waist remaining centered on Alex while his hand rummaged blindly through a bag until he found what he was looking for. He approached the couch, still keeping Alex in the frame, and gently tossed the lube so that it landed near Alex's bare thigh.

Alex looked at the small tube and his face shaded an even darker red before he made direct eye contact with Miles.

"The tripod, Alex...always look at the tripod..." Miles softly reminded the boy.

Alex nodded and reached for the tube with his free hand. He quickly flipped the lid open with his thumb and squirted some lube directly onto his dick before snapping the lid back down and tossing it aside. His hand started smearing the liquid with each stroke until it was painfully obvious that his cock was as hard as it could be, the glossy skin pulled tight and smooth, the head and shaft now deeply ruddy.

"That's good, Alex... _God_...you're so beautiful...you're doing so well..."

Alex gasped softly at Miles' words and closed his eyes, resting his head back against the couch and turning his face to the side so his cheek nestled in the soft, fur throw as he lost himself in the twisted ecstasy of complete arousal. There was no turning back now, his body was completely on board.

Miles walked around, getting several different angles, zooming in first on Alex's angelic face, the heavy, dark lashes that lined his shut eyes, the soft mouth that had gone slack, and the lips that were parted slightly. He then moved on to the one hand that was softly clenching some of the fur blanket and the other that was stroking his slickened dick, back and forth, back and forth, fingers glancing softly over the head every time.

Miles scanned in even closer, capturing the slick that had pooled at the slit and had begun spilling over and mixing with the lube on Alex's fingers after every tender tug. Miles quickly changed his filter and angle so the backdrop of light caught the fluid perfectly, making it easily distinguishable from the lube, the way it glistened with its different consistency and shine, the way it reflected the light.

This video was going to make Miles rich.

 

Alex continued to grind into his fist, softly panting.

"That's it, Alex...you're doing so well...I bet that feels really good. Just let yourself go." Miles moved to line up directly next to the tripod again, zooming in on Alex's face. "You said you use two hands...to do this...can you... _will you._..show me what you do...with your other hand...to make it feel even better?"

Alex lifted his head a little and looked at the tripod through his hair, his heavy-lidded eyes now huge pools of dark, shining water hiding behind insanely long lashes.

He nodded.

"Would you do that for me now, Alex? Would you show me what else you do...with your other hand?"

Alex nodded again and softly brushed some strands of hair from his eyes before looking directly at Miles, opening his mouth, and sucking in two fingers.

 

Miles' entire body jerked in complete surprise, the camera momentarily lost its subject as he scrambled to hold it steady, and Miles very nearly made a sound when his cock swelled with aching demand, his heart stopped, and he died.

Because, _oh Jesus, oh God_ , this was too good.

Totally unexpected, but oh, so good.

Miles was hoping for maybe some nipple play, ball squeezing, or Alex tugging on his glorious hair when he said he used two hands while jacking off, but Miles was sure that what Alex was about to do was going to be so much better.

He held the camera in one hand while the other quickly rubbed down on his own cock through his jeans, hoping to alleviate its urgent need and maybe adjust it to a different position for some temporary relief. As he did so, there was just one more thing he really wanted to know, _had_ to know.

"Alex...have you...have you ever done this before? I mean...with someone?"

Alex dipped his head down, hiding behind his long locks, before he looked up at the camera and then over to Miles again with his fingers still sucked into his mouth. He shook his head slightly, as if just answering Miles, not wanting the camera to pick up on it.

But the camera did, and _holy shit_ , so would all the viewers.

If possible, Miles died again.

Alex was a virgin.

 

 _Jesus!_ What spectacularly good thing had Miles done in a former life to have this, to have Alex, arguably the sweetest angel in heaven, fall into his lap?

Had he saved children from a burning bus?

Discovered the cure for cancer?

Established world peace?

Maybe he'd invented nachos? Or beer?

Whatever it was that Miles had done, it must've been really, really good, or the gods must be crazy.

Because Alex was a virgin.

So many things began rushing through Miles' system — there was suddenly more blood pulsing towards his cock, almost as relentlessly as the glorious sound of cha-chinging in his ears because _this_ , this never happened.

Viewers were going to eat this up.

Then gag on it.

Then beg for more.

Alex was an untapped goldmine of riches. If Miles could talk him into it, he could capitalize on Alex's situation and exploit it, he could make a series of videos chronicling Alex's transition into manhood, his curiosity, his dabbling and experimentation, his going wild and subsequent fall from sexual innocence.

All caught on tape.

This one video alone was going to make Miles a ton of money, but if he could continue making videos with Alex, it would seal Miles' future and give him enough security to move forward with his dreams and get him out of these college towns and into LA, where he could start making real films, not this fucking soft porn shit.

All thanks to Alex.

 

Alex, the beautiful, fucking virgin.

To be honest, Miles really should've caught it, should've seen the signs in the tremble of Alex's hands and the unsure movements, the constant aversion of his face and the shine of his dewy eyes. He should've caught it, but sometimes it was hard to see something when you weren't looking for it.

Miles' mind shot off in a different direction.

Alex had never done anything with anyone before and it was clear that he was painfully introverted, but he'd still been willing to do this, to put himself on display in this open act of self-pleasuring because his current situation, whatever it was, warranted the need for immediate money.

Miles' stomach was starting to spasm and ache and he resisted the urge to ask Alex again if he was positive he wanted to continue.

He didn't want to risk the momentum of what was happening, right here, right now. It had taken all of Alex's courage and determination to get this far and Miles was afraid that if he questioned him again, the kid would run out, humiliated, maybe with some of his dignity still intact, but with no cash in hand to solve his current problems.

Miles couldn't do that to him.

If Alex needed money desperately enough to do this, Miles was going to do everything possible to make this experience as clinical and fast and easy as possible for the quiet and captivating boy.

He still had an uneasy feeling clenching in his gut, though.

A feeling he really didn't like.

 

"So, Alex, you've... _uh_...you've never done this with someone else, but...but you have done this...before...to yourself, right?"

Alex nodded, the flush climbing higher on his face and lower on his chest, fanning out, beautifully. Miles paused while his lens captured Alex's reddening cheeks and neck. _Jesus_ , this was really good stuff, the kid was a natural beauty and the camera absolutely loved him, and so would all of those paying viewers.

"And you're going to show me what you do...to yourself...when you're all alone...what you'd like someone else to do to you...one day...isn't that right, Alex?"

Alex nodded while continuing to suck on those two lucky fingers, his lips grazing along their knuckles, his normally quiet tongue wetting the entire length and making soft, slurping noises that the cameras were easily picking up. Miles zoomed in on that innocent face, those big fucking eyes, and the mouth that was so, so eager and now taking over the screen.

Miles reached back and quickly tilted an umbrella so the boy's skin lightened even further though he hardly needed it, he was flawlessly pale, casting an alabaster glow, making the entire mood soft and dreamlike.

"Show me, Alex... _please_...show me..." Miles whispered, moving for a better angle, happy to be beyond the reach of light, pretty sure his cock was now leaking as much as Alex's and leaving a noticeable wet spot on his jeans.

 

Alex's doeish eyes lifted and looked straight at the tripod as his long fingers fell from his mouth and made their way across his chest before crossing around his side and reaching for his ass.

Miles took in a breath and held it as Alex continued jacking his cock while he shifted his body to the side and bent one leg up so its foot rested on the cushion, causing his ass to slightly rise with it, his saliva slick fingers reaching farther back and playing there, along his cleft. Part of one finger quickly disappeared and it didn't take long before it was followed by the second as Alex closed his eyes and rested his head back while he worked himself slow and steady, his ass and fingers moving in tandem to the thrusts of his fist and cock.

" _Jesus_..." Miles whispered to himself as his hand shot down to his own straining erection and he mashed at it, rubbing roughly along its length for any type of quick relief.

There was no more talking, no more coaching, maybe even no more breathing on Miles' part. The room was silent, the only sounds were soft gasps and inhales and exhales from the boy, and the juicy slide of his fist as it ran up and down his slippery cock.

If Alex knew what Miles was doing in the shadows, he didn't let it show, his eyes were shut and he was playing in some mysterious wonderland far away, his hands and body igniting pleasure through him with every hot, searing stroke.

 

Alex was gone.

Everything around him, the seedy hotel room, the beautiful couch, the intruding cameras, the entire situation, had dropped away and all he wanted now was to find sweet release. He didn't care where he was, how he looked, or who was watching him.

The cool heat swirling through Alex's body was nearly taking over and intensifying with every stroke, pull, tug, and prod that was made, his mind ready to lose control and his body ready to react on its own. Alex surrendered and went with it, weightless and floating, letting the sensations waft over him and settle in, relaxing his bones, his muscles, and his mind.

His mind was on Miles.

If Alex ever decided to open up and let a person into his life, he'd want that person to be just like Miles. Miles was perfect, was everything Alex could ever want, he had the looks, the gentle but firm confidence, the easy smile. He was patient and calm and encouraging, and Alex imagined Miles would never push him or pressure him into being something Alex couldn't be. Alex could feel the sincerity and honesty in everything Miles did, and everything he was. Alex already felt he could trust and depend on him.

He imagined the two of them holding hands as they walked around a park in comfortable silence, sharing a couch with their legs tangled as they each read a book or watched a movie together, his head resting on Miles' chest and listening to his steady heartbeat as Miles' fingers lazily stroked up and down Alex's back. He imagined kissing Miles and wondered if he'd be soft and gentle, or rough and demanding. Both ways made Alex's insides drift before coiling up even tighter.

Both were good.

Maybe Miles would like to watch Alex do this, too, and would join him in some wonderful way, maybe even touching his dick. Alex would really like that. The thought alone had Alex pushing harder into his fist with force and need, and the fingers inside him began moving more deliberately, filling and applying pressure as he searched for just the right sensation.

Miles was perfect, and Alex's fantasy of not only having him, but having a life so simple, so perfect, so nice, and so _normal_ was steering him quickly to the edge.

 

Miles was losing it in the safety of the dark.

He was doing his best to suppress any noise as he watched Alex touching himself, his own palm relentlessly rubbing and crushing along the line of his painfully hard dick. He wanted nothing more than to set his camera down, unzip his jeans, and pull it out, giving it the relief it was leaking for.

How was it possible that nobody had ever really seen Alex, had overlooked this beautiful boy and what he had to offer? How could they have missed his obvious goodness and the loyalty and intimacy he was so desperate to share, the need he was searching to fill? Miles had easily seen and appreciated it, and  _damn_ if Miles didn't need someone exactly like Alex to not only ground him, but also to bring out the best in him.

And _God!_ He loved Alex's shy personality and his glorious bashfulness, would be completely happy just sharing space with him, allowing him to be as quiet as he wanted.

Miles' eyes grazed over the boy as he lay there with his eyes closed and both hands working his body. He imagined the thrill, no, the _honor_ , of being the one allowed to coax Alex out of his shyness and then savoring the wanton noises he would pull from the boy, noises for Miles' ears only.

Miles wanted to be the one to make Alex's body respond for the first time in ways Alex could only imagine, wanted him to be comfortable enough to cry out and be loud and maybe even demanding, wanted him to feel no shame or shyness, ever, because Miles would cradle him in safety and trust, where he could be whatever he wanted to be, knowing Miles would accept him, and Alex would accept Miles.

 _Jesus!_ Was he losing his fucking mind? He really needed to get ahold of himself.

Now.

 

Alex was nearing his release, Miles could see it, could feel it.

The boy looked down as he fisted his dick, connecting the action to the feeling, and then he threw his head back against the couch, one hand now stroking at a frenzied pace, firm and relentless, the fingers on his other hand pressing in and tugging roughly on the tight rim of muscle there, giving Alex the sensation his mind was now running with, a feeling his body had never really experienced, but wanted.

Alex began losing control and whimpering.

"There you go, love..." Miles whispered, his own palm pushing harder and faster over the line of his cock beneath his trousers, about to chase Alex's release with his own.

Alex keened at Miles' soft, gentle words and Miles watched Alex's body clench and tighten up, shoulders first, arms and neck next followed quickly by his torso and thighs as his strokes started losing their rhythm, knowing the spasm was now loose and wild, barreling through Alex's body, looking for an escape.

Alex's eyes shot open and locked on Miles, his heavy lids halfway shut in uncontrollable ecstasy. Miles' breath caught when he heard the soft gasp that fell from Alex's lips as he struggled to keep his eyes open and on Miles through his release.

" _Miles_..."

The camera shook in Miles' trembling hand, even after the other left his own cock to steady it, panning out to film the strips of pearly come that were shooting onto Alex's soft belly. The camera caught Alex's tired eyes slowly dropping down to watch it, too, his mouth puckered into a silent O as he concentrated, one hand gently milking the remnants of his orgasm from him as the fingers on the other gently slid from his body.

 

The room was silent as Alex slowly finished up and then rested his head against the couch, weak and sated, his body laid out and for once not trying to hide away or shrink from view. He briefly hesitated, but then lifted his eyes, seeking out Miles and further instructions.

Miles swallowed and cleared his throat, scrambling for his voice. When he finally found it, he reluctantly broke the quiet moment they were sharing. "That was... _Jesus, Alex_...you're beautiful...that...that was fucking beautiful...it was...perfect. I don't know what to say...just... _thank you_...thank you for letting me be a part of that...for letting me film it..."

A fierce blush started mottling Alex's pale face and chest in what Miles assumed was either post-orgasm heat or his shyness returning, maybe a heady mix of both. It was a beautiful sight, either way.

Alex nodded, trying to avoid looking directly at Miles, feeling too spread out and exposed and vulnerable as a cloud of uneasiness and awkwardness settled between them.

" _Uhm_. You can go ahead and grab your clothes and clean up in the bathroom. We won't need anything else on film. I just...I just need to... _uh_...finalize a few things here before I can send you next door and you can get paid...and on your way..."

Alex nodded and stood, moving quickly to gather up his things from the bed before disappearing into the waiting bathroom, closing its door softly behind him.

 

Miles sat for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts while looking down at the aching bulge that had left a large wet spot on his jeans. Well, there was nothing he could do about either right now except untuck his shirt, and Miles didn't really do untucked shirts. He could only hope that Alex would be so eager to get on his way now that this was all over, that he wouldn't even notice.

Miles took a few deep breaths and ran his long, trembling fingers through his hair.

He couldn't explain what he was feeling, he'd never experienced anything like it. He was extremely disappointed in himself for becoming aroused while working with a client. It wasn't like him, was highly unprofessional, and was completely against the moral standards he personally held himself to.

But he was so inexplicably drawn to Alex, this gutsy kid who was willing to put aside all his natural inclinations and go against everything he was in order to achieve what he needed. Alex was amazing, he was innocent and good and simply doing the best he could. Miles respected that. Alex was stronger than anyone he knew, considering what the boy was willing to overcome in order change his situation.

Miles shook his head, frustrated.

He absolutely hated that he would forever be connected to Alex's memory in this way, but took a little comfort in the fact that he had been part of the solution, and not the problem.

He took another deep breath and shook his head again.

He refused to be the dark stain on Alex's life, the person who benefitted off of Alex when he was most at need and at his most vulnerable low point. It wasn't going to happen, not if Miles could help it.

And in this case, Miles could help it.

Without any hesitation, Miles stood, walked over to the tripod, and pulled up the camera's menu, scrolling to Alex's footage and hitting the delete button. He then grabbed his portable cameras and did the same.

 

Alex returned soon after, fully dressed and bundled up, feeling much better now that he was hidden again behind his armor of many layers of clothing. A strange, exhilarated euphoria was running wildly through his system, the adrenaline of having met a difficult challenge and succeeding coursing through his veins, sweet like candy.

Miles smiled and pulled out his wallet, producing a bunch of bills, much, much more than Alex was expecting, even after doubling his pay.

The boy's eyes widened and focused sharply, never leaving the cash in Miles' hand.

"That's more than—" He whispered softly.

"Listen, Alex, you did so well...you really earned it...and, honestly, this tape is going to make me rich..." Miles nodded and held the cash out towards Alex.

Alex looked back and forth between Miles and the money he was offering. This money solved all of his current problems. He'd be able to pay the rent he owed and another month or two on top of that after getting the heat and electricty turned back on. It would also give him money for food, and the added luxury of time to study and find a new job.

More importantly, it would also allow Alex to squeeze in a quick train trip home to surprise his parents over the holiday, maybe he'd even pick up a festive treat from their favorite bakery as well, maybe an iced Christmas cake with a coin hidden inside, the lucky recipient supposedly experiencing wealth in the coming year.

Alex didn't need to find a coin in a slice of cake for that.

He looked down at the floor, his long hair mostly covering his face again as he accepted the wad of bills and jammed them deep into his coat pocket, zipping it up while nervously eyeing the door, already anticipating his departure, the need to sign final paperwork and release forms completely forgotten.

 

Miles took a few seconds to study the boy who couldn't quite hide his eagerness to escape.

He'd never met anyone like Alex, so strong and loud in his silence, and Miles desperately admired him and ached with wanting to get to know him better. Even if they only became friends and nothing more, Miles would consider himself fortunate. How different his life would be if he had someone like Alex steering him in a positive direction, far away from the current path he was stuck on.

"You know, Alex, if you want to make some more money, give me a call. But even if you don't...if you just want to go get some coffee, I'd...I'd like that too. In fact, I'd really prefer that..." Miles would never forgive himself if he didn't at least try to see Alex again.

Alex froze and his eyes widened in stunned disbelief as he sucked in a silent breath.

Was Miles actually asking him out?

Alex couldn't have imagined the changes that were lying in wait for him after the girls had shared their adventure earlier that morning, effectively setting everything into motion. This entire situation had left him reeling in a world gone wild, crazy mad with everything new he was feeling and experiencing, about himself, and about others.

Things like this just didn't happen to him.

Ever.

 

"It would be my treat...or not. We could share the cost...whatever you want. You just seem really nice and I'd like to get to know you better... _you know_...away from all this nonsense..." Miles waved at the camera.

Alex's eyes grew even bigger with understanding and he smiled, a smile so bright it illuminated his big, dark eyes as they peered out from his long hair, and _god damn_ Miles had never seen more beautiful eyes. The boy's gaze fell again to the floor, most likely in embarrassment, but they still held their shine, laced with a bit of excitement, and he still managed to give Miles a fast, curt nod.

"Great! _Uh_...here's my card...with my number..." Miles fumbled again for his wallet, surprised that Alex had actually said yes, and he quickly pulled out a calling card, pressing it into the Alex's gloved hand, wishing it weren't gloved so he could feel the boy's skin and its warmth, to see if it was as wonderful as he imagined it would be.

"Text me, or call...any time you're free...and...it'll be great. I look forward to it. We'll do something fun. I promise." Miles grinned, excited at the prospect of meeting Alex again, sometime soon, in a different venue.

 

They stood there in awkward silence, Miles not wanting to end their time together just yet, and Alex looking down at Miles' card, reading the information on it over and over again. He couldn't believe someone like Miles was truly interested in getting to know him better. Alex blinked rapidly and secretly bit the inside of his cheek until it hurt, checking to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

"Ok, well, I really look forward to hearing from you, Alex." Miles offered reluctantly, knowing his words would signal Alex's departure.

Alex nodded and looked around the room, at anything but Miles.

His eyes landed, once again, on the beautiful couch and the nice furnishings surrounding it.  The pieces really had no business being in that sad motel room, it was so obvious they didn't fit and belonged somewhere else where they would be fully appreciated and cared for.

Alex looked up, his dark eyes shining at Miles. There was so much he wanted to say, wished he could say, but couldn't. It just wasn't the way he was. He broke eye contact instead and let his long hair fall back into his face as he flashed an embarrassed half-smile before moving towards the door. With his hand resting on the doorknob, Alex turned and spoke, his soft voice barely above a whisper.

"You don't belong here either..."

And with that, Alex quickly covered his face with his scarf and let himself out into the dark and stormy night. It wasn't until the door had slammed shut and Miles' mobile started buzzing that Alex's words started to sink in.

His phone buzzed again and Miles reached for it, picking it up quickly.

 

"Hey, send that Alvin guy back in here when you're done so he can sign the release forms and I can pay him..."

_Fucking Liam._

It's Alex.

His name is Alex.

Miles shook his head, moved to the window, and pushed back the heavy curtain, bending down the cheap blinds. He watched Alex's figure as he walked slowly away, pulling his beanie down tighter and turning up the collar of his coat to ward off the huge flakes of snow that had begun falling heavily. He buried his face deep within its warmth, hiding himself from the relentless cold and wind, and maybe, once again, hiding himself from the world.

Alex then scurried off towards the bus stop, hands jammed deep into his pockets, running awkwardly, beautifully, to reach the approaching bus in time.

Alex was right.

Miles really didn't belong here.

In fact, the couch didn't belong here, Miles didn't belong here, and neither did Alex. They all needed to be somewhere better suited to them, where they would flourish. Alex had shown Miles that there were many ways to achieve the same goal, ways where he could be proud of his work and accomplishments. He wasn't stuck where he was, he could move on to something else that better reflected who he was. Miles had choices, Alex hadn't.

Miles let out a puff of air.

"There's no need to pay him, Liam, he chickened out and ran...didn't let me film him. Go ahead and tear up his paperwork and give me a couple of minutes to set up, and then send the couple in."

 

Miles moved about the room with the phone pressed between his shoulder and ear, ignoring Liam's ranting about how long it took to tell him that the kid had bailed and how he expected double overtime because of it.

He was starting to get things in order for the next shoot, when something caught his eye.

He glanced down and there, on the table by the door, was the card that he had given to Alex with so much hope and sincerity.

The card that Alex had marveled at as though it were a golden ticket.

The card that now sat there, rejected and completely abandoned, void of any hope.

Miles' heart sank.

He stared at the small piece of cardstock and sighed, fighting against his first instinct to chase after Alex and beg him to please stay, to please give him a chance to prove he was better than this, to please let him have a small piece of Alex's goodness in his life. He knew it was useless, Alex had made a decision, one that would benefit him on his own distinct path, a path that didn't include Miles.

 

Miles drew in a heavy breath and released it with determination and confidence, feeling a small thrill and a whole new direction opening up wide in front of him. Alex's decision to walk away had actually left him feeling empowered, not rejected.

"On second thought, Liam, tell the others to go home. I'm done here. I'm closing up shop and quitting this gig."

He abruptly ended the call, effectively cutting off Liam's predictable protests, and set his mobile next to the lonely and abandoned calling card.

He moved again to the window and bent the blinds down just in time to see the bus pull away, leaving the stop barren, its backlights blurring and smearing red through the heavy, wet flurries as it carried the captivatingly unique boy farther and farther away from Miles.

"Thank you, Alex..."

Miles muttered softly and nodded his head, a sad smile tugging at his lips as the bus finally disappeared, Alex and his beautiful shyness dissolving into lonely obscurity once more.


End file.
